anchovies and pineapple
by ChidoriQueen
Summary: In which Edgeworth orders pizza, Phoenix delivers, and things don't quite turn out the way they had expected. narumitsu, one-shot.


"Prosecutor's Pizza?" He vaguely heard Larry say from the opposite end of the room. "Fifteen large pies with extra cheese? Are you sure about that, sir? Uh-huh. Oh, okay. We'll be there in ten!" He hung up the phone, leaning back to grin at Phoenix. "You up for a delivery, Nick?"

Exhausted after a day of fits and starts with his litigation professor and two hours fighting back hysterical customers at the local pizzeria, he wasn't particularly thrilled by the prospect of delivering fifteen pies to the doorstep of a total stranger. "Why can't _you _do it?"

"My shift ends in five minutes, and I got a date with my girl Kiyance today!" Larry parried with a pleading look. "Come on, Nick- be a bro and just do it!"

Phoenix sighed, exasperated. "Okay, okay, I'll deliver the pizzas!"

"Really?" Larry whooped, earning himself a glower from the clerk. "You're the best friend ever! Oh, oh, tell you what, for being such a good sport, Nick, I'll even throw in a Steel Samurai figure!"

He went visibly pale. "I think I'll pass."

* * *

Toting the stack of extra-greasy pizzas, Phoenix waddled to the doorstep of the residence of Mr. Miles Edgeworth- a rather pleasant-looking bungalow with a gray-tiled roof and white shutters. He took a moment to pray to the god of pizza delivery boys, before steeling himself to press the doorbell. Wincing at the shrill sound, he waited with bated breath for a response.

Within moments, a rather disgruntled-looking man was standing in the doorway. The contrast between what seemed like a permanent scowl and his magenta overcoat would have struck Phoenix as rather comical, had this not been such a trying time. "No, I don't want to buy Girl Scout cook-" His face froze at the sight of the trembling delivery boy, jaw clenching. "Is there something you want?" Although he had softened a bit, there was still a distinctly strangled quality to his voice.

"Um, I- pizza," he squeaked. "I have your pizza."

"Pizza? What on earth are you talking about? I absolutely loathe the slimy things." The prissiness of his statement was somewhat diminished by the way he was stroking the ruffle in his blouse. "Now, kindly leave my property before I call the police on you."

Rather perplexed, it was only reluctantly that Phoenix stopped the door from slamming in his face. "But, sir, I have an order for Mr. Miles Edgeworth! Fifteen large pies with extra cheese, right here!" For emphasis, he thrust the receipt into his hands.

Scanning the paper, recognition seemed to flash in Edgeworth's eyes. "Gumshoe," he muttered under his breath, gritting his teeth.

"Um, pardon me?" was the only polite thing Phoenix could manage. He had heard rather questionable delivery stories from Larry and Maya, but this had to take the cake. Fifteen large pies for a man who despised the things? And what on earth was a "gumshoe?" It sounded like a horrible torture device, specially designed to torment bullied delivery boys.

Edgeworth cleared his throat. "I apologize for any confusion, Mr. Wright," he said primly, eyeing his crooked nametag, and pulled out five crisp twenty dollar bills from his back pocket. "This should cover the bill, no? And please, get those revolting things away from me. Feed them to the homeless, or whatever it is you fast food upstarts do nowadays."

Needless to say, Phoenix spent his night on the street, handing out pizza slices to whomever passed by.

* * *

"Hey, Maya," Phoenix greeted, watching as his best friend stepped behind the counter, wearing her uniform over her usual hippie dress and chunky jewelry. "Did you find that waterfall you were looking for yesterday?"

She brightened, taking her position at the cash register. "Oh, yes! It was beautiful! I got some awesome footage of it, so be on the look-out for that." After handing a customer his diet Coke, she suddenly frowned. "Hey, where's Larry?"

"Oh, him?" Phoenix waved a hand dismissively. "He always takes a day off after being dumped. It's nothing unusual."

"Oh, no!" Maya exclaimed, looking genuinely upset. "Is he okay? Shouldn't we do something to comfort him?"

"No need. He'll be fine when he moves on to the next girl. Like your sister, for example," he said wearily, cracking a grin at the visible horror that appeared on Maya's face. This was promptly replaced with a determined sort of urgency as the phone began to ring, however, Maya running over and picking it up.

"Good afternoon! This is Maya Fey, from Prosecutor's Pizza!" she greeted. "A none pizza with a double serving of anchovies and pineapple? Are you absolutely certain? No, I am not being impertinent. Uh-huh. Oh, you mean Nick? Yeah, he's in today. Oh, okay, got it. Will that be it, sir? Thanks!"

Maya hung up the phone, looking about as puzzled as he felt. "Some guy requested that you deliver to him. He says it's urgent."

"This 'guy'...his name wouldn't happen to be Miles Edgeworth, would it?" A sinking feeling of horror twisted low in the pit of his stomach.

Maya looked taken aback, confirming his worst fears "Whoa, Nick! You a psychic or something? You should totally take up spirit medium training with me!"

Phoenix sighed, tousling her hair. "If only it were that simple."

* * *

The stench of Edgeworth's none pizza was really starting to get to him. Just as he was about to pass out, however, the door was flung open, and there stood none other than Miles Edgeworth himself, wearing a cowboy hat and a rather miffed look.

"Um, good evening, Mr. Edgeworth," Phoenix mumbled, presenting the pizza. "I have your order right here."

"Howdy, partner," Edgeworth said, a bit monotonous in contrast with his ridiculous dress. "Thank ya very much for the pizza." He accepted the box, wrinkling his nose as he placed the offending object behind him.

"Um, that'll be fifteen dollars and-" Phoenix nearly jumped out of his skin when Edgeworth cleared his throat.

"You look nice today," he said, in a failed effort to appear nonchalant. His fingers were trembling as they drummed idly on his knee, a strained look on his face. "The uniform suits you."

"Uh, thanks?" Phoenix said sheepishly, running his fingers through his hair. "My mom says that I look like in a hobo in it, so I'm glad that you think so."

Edgeworth nodded, a jerky motion that seemed to rattle his teeth. "Well, I mean it."

They lapsed into uncomfortable silence.

"You gonna pay me now?" Phoenix blurted out, nearly kicking himself for it afterwards. What was he thinking, being rude to his customer? Sure, the guy was sort of a headcase, but did that give him the right to drive away the pizzeria's business? Just as he was wildly panicking about being fired, and not being able to pay his tuition, and being the disappoint of the redneck Wright clan and, Edgeworth coughed delicately into his fist.

"Pardon me," he said coolly, reverting to his icy persona. Fishing through his pocket, he pulled out a crisp fifty dollar bill. "Please keep the change."

Phoenix was stunned, but snapped back to his senses."N-No, sir, I can't accept this!"

"Well, I'm sure you'll be able to manage," Edgeworth said drily, wearing a rare smug look. "Please, stop being a goody-two-shoes and just accept this from me. You've earned it, what with your excellent service."

"Um, thank you, Mr. Edgeworth!" Phoenix babbled, bowing frantically.

He waved an airy hand. "Please, enough with the formalities. Just call me Miles."

* * *

"Good to see you again, Mr. Phoenix Wright," Edgeworth greeted, watching as Phoenix crossed his lawn and stepped onto his porch. "Speedy delivery, as always. I trust your job is going well?"

"Just fine, yes," Phoenix said hastily, holding out the box that had been under his arm. "Your chicken-crusted pizza, sir."

"It's Miles, my young delivery boy." Edgeworth clucked his tongue, but allowed Phoenix to pass him the pizza. "So, do you intend to be a pizzeria employee for the rest of your life?"

"As fun as working with my best friends is, no. I'm studying to be a lawyer, so this is just a side thing I do for a bit of fun and profit, to pay for my tuition." Phoenix let out a brittle laugh. "Sorry, I don't mean to bore you. I am just your pizza delivery guy, after all."

"There's no need to be modest," Edgeworth said rather sternly, before clearing his throat. "I rather enjoy your company, so I like to think we have more than just a cordial customer-provider relationship."

Phoenix was dumbfounded. "Um, okay, if you say so."

Edgeworth appeared to be conflicted for a moment, but seemed to reach a decision. In a single jerky motion, he pulled a card out of his pocket, thrusting it into Phoenix's hands. "Here's my contact information, just in case you'd like to...talk."

Could the day possibly get any weirder?

* * *

"So, how's that special customer of yours?" Larry asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "You guys seem to be pretty cozy. Maya says he asks for you every day!"

"Nothing really," Phoenix replied, idly folding a straw wrapper into an accordion. "Although, he did give me his number the other day. And said we have more than a working relationship."

Larry looked positively gleeful. "Did he now?"

"Yeah." Phoenix shrugged, before pausing. "Is that normal?"

"Like hell it is!" Larry exclaimed. "When I try to give those hot high school chicks _my _number, they slam the door in my face and call the cops on me! Seriously, dude, are you even from this universe?"

"Well, okay, he just thinks we're friends," Phoenix reasoned, letting his accordion spring back.

Larry sighed, giving him a sympathetic pat on the back. "Ah, Nick, my naive and inexperienced friend. Let your love guru Larry give you some sage words of advice."

"How many girls have dumped you again?" Phoenix asked, a faint smirk on his face.

"That's besides the point!" Larry shushed him. "Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that when a guy who hates pizza orders from you every day and practically forces his number on you, it's usually a sign. Honestly, Nick- you're supposed to be a lawyer! Powers of deduction and stuff? Who knew you'd be this dense?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said primly, although he is unable to banish the thought from his mind.

The phone began to ring, shrill and irritating as ever. Larry, shooting him a crooked grin, ambled over and picked it up, winding the cord around his finger. "Prosecutor's Pizza! Ah, yes, Mr. Edgeworth, such a pleasure to talk to you again? What? You don't remember me? Larry, Larry Butz? Best friend of your buddy Nick here? Uh-huh, oh, um, okay. Nick'll be there soon! See you around, Edgey-boy!"

Larry hung up the phone with a rather smug look on his face. "Well, at least he ordered a normal pizza this time around."

* * *

Pepperoni pizza in hand, Phoenix stood at Edgeworth's door for what seemed like the millionth time in the row. Still reeling from what Larry had said, it was with a heavy heart that he rung the doorbell. Several scuffling noises sounded from behind the wood before Edgeworth opened the door, clad in the same pink suit he'd been wearing during their first meeting.

"Good evening, Mr. Wright," Edgeworth said, collecting his pizza. "Good to-"

Thunderous footsteps echoed from the hall, causing Edgeworth to flinch. "The delivery guy again? Gosh, pal, I don't think I can eat any more pizzas, after all of that. I mean, I appreciate the free dinners and all, but no one wants to eat that greasy stuff every single day."

A well-built man in a green overcoat stepped into view, scratching the stubble on his chin. He clapped his mortified friend on the back, slinging an arm around Edgeworth's shoulder. "Aw, don't get huffy with me! Just man up and ask him out already!"

There was a moment of silence. Phoenix froze, slowly backing away. Once he had hopped off of the porch, he took off running down the path, oblivious to everything but the pounding in his head and Edgeworth's screams.

* * *

Thank God for understanding friends. Maya seemed to understand immediately when he called her the day after what he had unofficially dubbed "the incident" and asked her to fill in for him at work. She didn't question it or press him, only going quiet and saying, "I'll be there."

So, with an entire evening free, Phoenix meandered home, forgoing his usual bus ride for a leisurely ride to his rented apartment. Brewing himself a calming mug of green tea, he wrapped himself in his favorite blanket and lounged on his couch, only periodically getting up to refill his cup and grab a granola bar. He turned on his iPod, letting it blast the indie music he was too embarrassed to share with Maya or Larry.

And he thought. Wondered if Edgeworth liked Florence and the Machine. Wondered if Edgeworth liked anything at all, really.

Phoenix sighed, only turning up the volume.

He really was a wreck.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take over for you again today?" Maya asked him through the phone, having called him as he was heading to work. He could practically see her biting her lip- the usual Maya Fey expression of anxiety. "Really, Nick, if you're comfortable than we can just-"

"No, no, I'm fine," he said wearily. "Thanks, though. I really appreciate it."

"But, Nick-"

"I'll see you in a little while."

Ten minutes later, the bus pulled up to the pizzeria.

And, as luck would have it, none other than Miles Edgeworth himself was standing outside of the tiny brick building, huddled up against the winter chill. "Good evening, Mr. Wright," he said coolly.

"Um, Mr. Edgeworth!" Phoenix blurted out. "Wow, I didn't expect to see you here, of all-"

"Given the stupidly adorable look of surprise on your face, that's apparent," Edgeworth deadpanned. "Now, if you're done blubbering, would you be willing to tell me why you're avoiding me?"

"Who says that I'm avoiding you?" Phoenix countered. "It was just one day! I could've been sick, or had a family emergency, or-or anything, really!"

"Well, something tells me that this isn't the case," Edgeworth said drily. "Are all of you this bad at lying? Your friend Maya over there is as transparent as a window."

He flinched. So, that was why she'd been so adamant about him taking another day off. Honestly, he couldn't blame her- this scenario was worse than all of his most terrifying nightmares combined.

Edgeworth cleared his throat. "Ahem. I apologize for whatever trouble my idiot colleague has caused you, and wish to make amends. So, would you mind if I continued to order from you? I may have been too...forward with my approach, but I am willing to back off and let bygones be bygones. May we return to our former relationship?"

Phoenix was stunned. "Um, yes, of course! But, just one thing…" Ugh, curse his goddamn curiosity. "Is what your friend said true? Do you really...like me that much?"

Edgeworth looked pointedly away. "That would be a bit of an understatement, I'm afraid."

Cue the awkward pause of silence.

"So," Edgeworth continued, beet red, "do you...reciprocate?"

The answer was so simple that he wasn't quite sure how to explain it to him.

Finally, Phoenix nodded, a bit pink in the face. "That was why I didn't come to work yesterday- I was figuring things out, and I was shocked, and I just needed time to mull things over. Don't think I'm trying to shut you out, okay? I like you a lot. I really do. And just...that you feel the same way came as a big surprise to me, so...do you think we can try again?"

Edgeworth hesitated, before yanking him forward by the scarf, gripping his shoulders and planting a firm kiss on his lips. Phoenix laughed against his mouth, breathing in his vaguely musty scent of expensive cologne and fresh ink.

And if that wasn't the answer he was looking for, he didn't know what was.


End file.
